Young love, the topic of epic stories and award-winning movies. It is new, messy, and confusing. Those “bad” teen dating years are a rite of passage in the relationship world. But the bad isn’t always just silly, awkward experiences; sometimes it is unsafe and dangerous.
One in twelve teens in the U.S. experiences physical dating violence. Teens deserve to have young love without the risk of harm. The good news is that we can change this statistic. Caregivers, guardians, teachers, and other adults can take simple steps to model and talk about healthy relationships to improve teens’ dating experiences.
Model and live healthy relationship practices
Teens understand their relationships through their environments: social media, school, friends, family, and home life. As a guardian, parent, or adult in the household, it is essential to continually evaluate the healthy and unhealthy relationship behaviors you might be modeling through your actions and interactions. This doesn’t just stop a young person from experiencing harm, but it can also teach them how not to harm.
Living healthy relationships looks like:
- Using “I” statements
- Asking Open-ended Questions
- Sharing specific appreciation
- Doing small supportive tasks often
- Having a plan to address conflict before it happens
- Handling discipline through accountability and responsibility (asking questions to explore what happened and help them understand how it impacts people, how to take responsibility, and how to change it in the future) For more, check out Jeffco Public School’s Restorative Practices At Home, available in 12 languages.
Talk to the young people in your life about healthy relationships and their relationships
Talking to teens about relationships can be challenging because it is a personal topic, and teens may fear being judged or getting in trouble. Having relationship conversations before dating starts can help normalize the topic and make it easier for teens to apply when dating. Explore healthy relationships in all forms: family, friendships, classmates, teammates, etc. Then, when a teenager starts dating, they are already familiar with green flags, red flags, boundaries, consent, conflict, and more.
To explore characteristics of healthy relationships, check out Love is Respect’s Relationship Spectrum. To discuss the spectrum, ask questions such as:
- What does respect look like to you?
- What does independence mean in a relationship?
- What do you value in a relationship?
Ensure the teens in your life are receiving comprehensive sex education
Sex education can help prevent violence. Learning about healthy relationships, bodies, affirmative consent, sex, and potential outcomes of sex like STIs and pregnancy, gives teens the tools to understand their bodies, boundaries, yes, no, and when to seek support.
To explore how to talk about sex education at home, check out Resources For Sex Ed at Home for sex education basics, or Sex Education Home School Style for resources broken down by educators, adults, parents, and kids of different ages.
Provide support if harm is happening
If you do find out something harmful is happening in a teen’s relationship, it can be scary and confusing. The teen you are trying to help is most likely feeling some of these emotions, too.
Below are a few tips for responding if someone discloses harm.
- Stay Calm
- Believe them
- Don’t ask too many questions
- Check in to see if they need anything immediately
- Help them get in contact with a local survivor support organization
Dating relationships can be vulnerable and nerve-wracking, but they should never be unsafe. Modeling and talking to young people throughout their lives about what healthy relationships are, as well as what they are not, can help give teens the tools to stay safe and be a safe partner in relationships.
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