Stalking

Stalking is more common than many people think. In Nebraska alone, an estimated 178,000 people experience stalking, based on data from the CDC’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey. It’s clearly a common and widespread issue, but do you really understand what stalking is?

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Jump to: Recognizing Stalking | Cyberstalking & The Role of Technology in Stalking | Stalkers are Often Not Strangers | Stalking is Dangerous | Preventing Stalking | What to do if You’re Experiencing Stalking | Supporting Survivors of Stalking

Recognizing Stalking

Stalking can be difficult to recognize. Unlike other crimes, it is not a single, easily identifiable act but a pattern of behaviors directed at a specific person that causes fear. According to RAINN, stalking involves repeated behaviors that would cause a reasonable person to fear for their safety or suffer substantial emotional distress.

Stalkers use many tactics, including:

  • Using technology to monitor, track, and/or spy on the victim.
  • Making unwanted phone calls. 
  • Approaching the victim or showing up in places when the survivor does not want them to. 
  • Following and watching the victim. 
  • Sending unwanted texts, photos, emails, and messages through social media. 
  • Sending unwanted gifts. 

Cyberstalking & The Role of Technology in Stalking

According to a 2019 Department of Justice report on stalking, 80% of stalking survivors report being stalked with technology. Technology has expanded the ways in which stalking can occur. Cyberstalking refers to using digital tools to track, harass, or threaten someone. This can include:

  • Sending repeated and unwanted messages via email, social media, or other digital platforms.
  • Posting threatening or personal information about someone online.
  • Installing hidden cameras to spy on a person’s private life.
  • Using GPS or software tracking to monitor someone without consent.
  • Installing spyware on a survivor’s computer or phone to track their activity.

Intimate partner and dating violence often include stalking through technology, sometimes called digital abuse. Excessive contact, monitoring online activity, location tracking, demanding passwords, and hacking into accounts may be both digital abuse and stalking. 

The Safety Net Project’s Stalking Survivor Toolkit offers resources containing safety tips, information, and privacy strategies for survivors on the use of technology. 

Stalkers are Often Not Strangers

In many cases, the stalker is someone known to the survivor, such as an ex-partner, acquaintance, or even a colleague. Stalking often involves someone trying to exert control over a relationship that has ended or is unhealthy. According to the CDC’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, stalking survivors reported that their stalker was:

  • 43% a current or former intimate partner.
  • 41% an acquaintance (friends, coworkers, classmates, neighbors, etc.).
  • 19% a stranger.
  • 9% an immediate or extended family member.
  • 8% a brief encounter (e.g., someone met online, a service provider, or a taxi driver).
  • 4% a person of authority (boss, professor, clergy, therapist, etc.).

Importantly, stalking in intimate partner relationships doesn’t only begin when someone tries to leave. One study found that 57% of intimate partner stalking survivors said the stalking began before the relationship ended. This may appear as: 

  • Checking call logs, message threads, or emails 
  • Tracking someone’s schedule or movements 
  • Expecting continuous updates or “proof” of whereabouts 

Stalking is Dangerous

Stalking is a serious crime that can have long-lasting effects on the survivor. It is a violation of a person’s safety and autonomy and causes emotional distress, fear, and anxiety. Stalking can also escalate to physical harm. Stalking survivors report feeling fearful, threatened, or concerned for their safety or the safety of others. In fact, nearly 69% of female and 80% of male survivors experienced threats of physical harm from the stalker during their lifetime, according to the CDC.

Preventing Stalking

Stalking is about power and control. Perpetrators use stalking behaviors to instill fear, manipulate, and dominate another person. Preventing stalking requires addressing the underlying dynamics of power and control that fuel it.

Key prevention strategies include:

  • Promoting healthy relationships and respect for boundaries. Teaching individuals, especially young people, about consent, personal space, and respectful communication can help prevent stalking behaviors before they begin.
  • Challenging harmful gender norms and entitlement. Many stalking behaviors stem from a belief that one person has a right to control or possess another. Education and cultural change are essential in preventing this mindset.
  • Encouraging bystander intervention. Friends, family, and coworkers can help disrupt stalking behaviors by recognizing red flags and safely intervening when possible.
  • Holding perpetrators accountable. Strengthening legal protections and ensuring that stalking behaviors are taken seriously can deter offenders.
  • Creating community awareness. Public education campaigns can help people recognize stalking, understand its dangers, and know how to respond.

Preventing stalking requires a collective effort to challenge systems of power and control, support survivors, and promote a culture of safety and respect.

What To Do If You Are Being Stalked

If you believe you are being stalked, taking steps to enhance your safety and document the behavior can be important. Here are some actions to consider:

  • Contact Authorities if You Feel Safe Doing So: Consider reporting the stalking to law enforcement, especially if you are in immediate danger. Some jurisdictions have legal protections like restraining or protective orders. An advocate at your local survivor support organization can help you understand your options and navigate the systems and process.
  • Trust Your Instincts: If something feels off, take it seriously. Don’t minimize the behavior or blame yourself.
  • Avoid Contact: Do not engage with the stalker, even to tell them to stop. Responding to them can sometimes escalate their behavior. Block them on all platforms but save evidence first.
  • Document Everything: Keep a record of all stalking incidents, including dates, times, locations, and descriptions of the behavior. Save messages, emails, voicemails, and screenshots as evidence. For more information on recording behaviors, see SPARC’s Stalking Incident and Behavior Log Template.
  • Increase Safety: Change your routines, if possible. Adjust privacy settings on social media, change passwords, and be cautious about sharing your location online. Consider securing your home with locks, cameras, or alarm systems. Share your location with trusted people.
  • Seek Support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or advocate at your local survivor support organization. You do not have to go through this alone.
  • Create a Safety Plan: Identify safe places, plan escape routes, and establish check-ins with trusted people. An advocate at your local survivor support organization can help create a plan tailored to your situation, or you can use the Domestic Violence Hotline’s interactive guide to create a personalized safety plan. 

If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Supporting Survivors of Stalking

Most survivors of stalking first confide in a friend, family member, or trusted person before seeking legal or professional help. How you respond can greatly impact their decision to seek support.

Tips for supporting a stalking survivor:

  • Believe and validate them. Avoid minimizing their experience with statements like “maybe they just miss you.” Instead, acknowledge their fear: “That sounds really scary.”
  • Focus on the stalker’s actions, not the survivor’s response. Instead of asking, “Why did you respond to their messages?” remind them that the stalker’s behavior is the issue.
  • Encourage seeking help. Thank them for trusting you and discuss available options like local advocacy services or law enforcement.
  • Respect their privacy. Do not share their situation with others without consent.
  • Check in regularly. Ask, “How can I support you?” and use their preferred method of contact in case their communication is being monitored.

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