Teen Dating Violence
Dating violence is repeated verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse used to frighten, hurt, and control a girlfriend or boyfriend.
It is a power play and may include:
- Not allowing them to go out with friends
- Telling them how to dress, act, or think
- Hitting or slapping
- Pulling hair
- Threatening to find someone else
- Name calling or put downs
- Not letting them make decisions
- Expecting them to apologize or cover for you
- Following them around
- Constantly criticizing them
- Jealousy
- Possessiveness
- Threatening suicide if they want to break up
- Accusing them of flirting
- Forcing sexual acts
- Talking them into going further sexually than they want
- Not letting them leave when they want
- Destroying letters or gifts
- Blaming them for violence
The person being hurt may:
- Be scared
- Feel confused that someone they love hurts them
- Deny or minimize the behavior
- Try to change their behavior to stop their partner's behavior
- Change the way they dress
- Give up or be cut off from their friends
- Start to lose self-confidence
The person who is being violent may:
- Make excuses for their behavior
- Think abuse is normal in a relationship
- Make threats
- Feel like they do not have control in the relationship
- Grow increasingly abusive over time
- Face criminal charges
- Be dropped from their group of friends
If you are in a violent relationship:
- Remember, you are not responsible for the violence—you cannot make someone hurt you, they choose to do it
- The abuse will happen more and hurt more without outside help
- Find someone to talk with about the abuse
- Think of ways you can be safe
- Recognize that sometimes it is dangerous to be with your partner, even though you care about them
If you are being violent in your relationship
- No one can make you use violence—you are the only one who can choose to be abusive
- No one has a right to control or hurt another person
- Accept responsibility for your actions
- Find someone to talk to who can help you
- Remember, you don’t have to physically hurt someone to be abusive—think about all of your behaviors
